It’s in the early am and I’m just going through a client file in advance of our appointment.
Making a note to myself about the enormous about of energy, focus, understanding and concentration that it takes to launch a new client – reading file notes to find the missing link to help my client understand and eliminate their sabotaging behaviors – in essence, help them to Remove The Roadblocks To Their Success.
I’m observing something that I see in many clients that have lost the drive that they once had.
The drive that they once had was and still is unsustainable. Unsustainable because the drive was based upon an unmet need to prove that they are good enough.
The unmet need to prove is deep rooted in their past. Someone whether it was a parent, sibling, teacher, clergyperson or manager continually told them that “they were not good enough” or “they will never be good enough”. This experience of continually being told that they are not good enough brewed up a lot of internal anger which fueled the unmet need to prove.
Prove the client did. “I’ll show you”! Breaking sales record after sales record. Was the client fulfilled? No.
This was because the unmet need to prove is still incomplete. An unmet need cannot be met from the outside in – there is no sales goal, possession, position, person, relationship or any amount of money that will ever meet an unmet need – it must be met from within.
At the same time, there have been casualties along the way. There have been many associates or managers that have genuinely reached out to help along the way. The associates or managers wind up being stepped on or over by the insatiable drive of the person with the unmet need to prove because the associates or managers somehow become a representation of the past parent, sibling, teacher, clergyperson or manager that continually told them that “they were not good enough”.
The unmet need to prove, the limiting belief fueled by the anger caused the client to compete with the associate or manager – the competing was an actual subconscious attack of the person in the past that told the client that “they were not good enough” and the associate or manager unknowingly got caught up in it. The associate or manager unknowingly became a target to prove to and to beat – and the associate or manager usually got beaten. Why the associate or manager attracted this is another story altogether.
Where does this leave the client after many attempts to launch the effort to meet the unmet need to prove?
What is worse? There is a part of them that is now saying “what is the use”.
Yet, the anger, the limiting belief of “they are not good enough” and the unmet need to prove still slumber within, leaving them incomplete and unhappy.