Giving Referrals To Get Something

Not getting enough quality referrals?

Perhaps it’s time to look at the referrals you’re giving.

Are you giving the referral to “give” or is your negative ego mind giving the referral to “get?”

When you give a referral to give value, it comes from the place of you wanting to add value to both the person that you are giving the referral to and the person you are referring.

You have no other agenda but to provide a boost to both parties.

Have you seen the movie Pay it Forward?  If you haven’t, please put it on your list.  In the movie, to pay it forward is to perform acts of unsolicited kindness for three people; with the only expectation being that the recipients will perform their own acts of kindness to three other people.

If your negative ego mind is expressing your Unmet Needs for approval, control, perfection, power, recognition, safety and the granddaddy of all Unmet Needs, worthiness, then it’s likely you’ve got some expectations of both the people you’re giving the referral to and the people you’re referring.  Your negative ego is giving the referral in order to get something.

Maybe it’s to hear, “Wow, thanks, you’re the best.” or, “Hey, you were right about that guy,” or, “You always know the best people.”

You might not be asking right out for a commission (don’t you just love those), but if you have an expectation for payback of any kind, it will come across.  It will affect how your referrals are received, and it will definitely affect the referrals that you get.

Remember – what goes around, comes around.  Give referrals when it adds value to both parties, and that value will come back to you.

When it comes to asking for referrals, it’s the same thing.  Are you asking your client for a referral to fulfill an Unmet Need or are you asking because you want to add value to your client and to the person they will refer you to? 

This article was originally published in Curing The Unmet Needs Disease © Simon Reilly 2008