The Hidden Tug-of-War Blocking Your Associate Advisor’s Growth

As a Fractional Chief Operating Officer, one of the ways I support financial advisor business owners is by coaching their associate advisors—many of whom are unknowingly sabotaging their own success. Often, it’s not strategy or skill that’s missing. It’s resistance rooted in fear—disguised as delay, deflection, or disengagement.

Just recently, one of these associate advisors reached out to reschedule our coaching call with less than 24 hours’ notice—and truth be told, I recognized it for what it was: avoidance.

That moment reminded me of a quote I often return to:

“Life is about messages—if we get the message, we create an attainment. If we miss the message, we create a problem. If we avoid the problem, it becomes a crisis—then we finally get the message.”

In our coaching work together, I’m not just helping them sidestep roadblocks—I’m guiding them to recognize and dissolve the unconscious patterns that created the roadblocks in the first place.

The Tension Between Being and Doing

At the heart of this work is a deeper tension—between what I’ll now call spontaneous existence and flow.

What I call spontaneous existence is deeply rooted in nondual and Eastern spiritual traditions. Teachers like Ramana Maharshi, Mooji, and Eckhart Tolle have pointed to this natural state of being that arises when the mind quiets and the ego no longer drives. It’s not about doing—it’s about being.

In the coaching context, I use the term to describe the spacious awareness that emerges when we’re no longer operating from fear, identity, or goals. It’s where the soul resides—quiet, aware, and complete. From this grounded presence, truly aligned action—or flow—can emerge.

Without that stillness, flow can easily become performance-driven or unsustainable—more about output than alignment. But when presence leads, flow follows naturally.

Flow, on the other hand, is the joyful engagement of skill and challenge—where action becomes effortless because it’s aligned with purpose. The term flow was coined by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, who described it as a state where time, self-consciousness, and even the sense of effort dissolve. Your best ideas, most powerful conversations, and deepest coaching transformations often arise here. But those experiences have their roots in presence. The river of flow is fed by the ocean of being.

Avoidance, however? That’s neither being nor doing—it’s ego-based stalling. It’s the amygdala screaming for safety, even at the cost of growth. It interrupts both presence and purposeful action, keeping you stuck in a loop of resistance.

Awareness First: Understanding the Inner Resistance

In my last conversation with the associate advisor, I talked about the internal tug-of-war: your soul—your deepest, most aligned self—is rooted in conscious awareness and growth. It doesn’t strive or long; it simply reveals truth and invites you to align with it. Meanwhile, your amygdala—the brain’s fear center—will do everything it can to keep things exactly as they are. As Daniel Goleman coined it, the “amygdala hijack” is what happens when that survival mechanism overrides calm and logic, pulling you into fight-or-flight mode. It’s a well-meaning defense, but one that often blocks transformation.

Omar Halabieh offers practical insight:

“Mindfulness isn’t just peaceful—it’s brain training. It reduces amygdala activity and anxiety response.” (omarhalabieh.com)

This is why I emphasize mindful awareness—not just to calm the system, but to create the internal spaciousness that allows real choice and conscious creation.

Commitment: The Bridge Between Presence and Progress

I reminded the associate advisor of the story of bacon and eggs: the chicken is involved, but the pig is committed.

Your amygdala? It is committed—literally hardwired to keep you safe, even if that safety stalls your progress.

But your soul? Also committed—to conscious creation, the foundation of real growth, real change, and real success. And here’s the truth: you can only access the soul’s signal when you are truly present. When you stop trying, fixing, or fearing—and simply listen.

That’s spontaneous existence.

And from that place of stillness, aligned action emerges. That’s flow.

Honoring Momentum Without Forcing Progress

I told the associate advisor:

“You still have time before our scheduled call tomorrow—more than enough time to complete your assignment and show up ready to move forward. Let’s honor the momentum we’ve built.”

That momentum is precious. But it must be guided—not by anxious striving—but by authentic alignment.

As Stephen Hawking reminded us:

“Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.”

And Satya Nadella wisely said:

“Be passionate and bold. Always keep learning. You stop doing useful things if you don’t learn.” (inc.com)

These aren’t just business principles. They are invitations into a lived experience of flow—focused engagement, creativity, and growth, grounded in presence.

A Growth Mindset Rooted in Awareness

Carol Dweck’s work on the growth mindset affirms that change is possible when we believe abilities can be developed through effort and learning. But effort doesn’t always mean hustle. It can also mean the effort to pause, reflect, breathe, and realign.

As Frank Sonnenberg beautifully put it:

“There’s only one investment that will never go down—an investment in yourself.” (trafft.com)

Every time an associate advisor shows up—aware, honest, and ready—they’re investing in their ability to respond rather than react. To create rather than cope.

Final Reflections: The Message Behind the Moment

In business and in life, what shows up externally mirrors our inner landscape. Avoidance may buy time—but presence buys truth.

When an advisor responds to life from spontaneous existence (presence) and channels that into flow (purposeful doing), they’re no longer just surviving the moment—they’re transforming it.

Here’s the deeper invitation I offered:

“Let’s keep our scheduled session tomorrow to stay on track with your progress and the outcomes you’re seeking.”

Because showing up is a choice. And that choice begins with presence.

Key Takeaways

• Get the message early—before tension turns into crisis.
• Pause into spontaneous existence—real answers arise in stillness.
• Honor the rhythm of flow—act from alignment, not avoidance.
• Invest in awareness—your best self already knows what to do.
• Momentum builds through presence, not pressure.

If you’re a financial advisor business owner with a team of associate advisors, and you’re seeing signs of sabotage, stagnation, or avoidance—I can help. As a Fractional Chief Operating Officer, I specialize in coaching your team members into clarity, accountability, and aligned performance—so you can lead with confidence and grow with purpose.

Let’s talk: https://leadingadvisor.as.me/callwithsimonreilly