I’ve Been TEDx’ed

It’s Friday October 16, 2015 and I’m in Seattle International Airport en route to Victoria on my way back from speaking at the FPA (Financial Planning Association) Spokane Annual Conference which was my first opportunity to speak at a FPA Conference.

I just learned that TEDx Talks Chilliwack made their decision and I wasn’t invited to speak at their February 2016 event.

Happy to say I’m at peace.

This blog is an example of retrospective writing that I do about key events to help me grow and learn and not be held back by being a victim of my past. This blog is about stories that I made up in my past. Stories that I believed in, and walked around with, looking for evidence to make the stories real.

This is the same kind of work that I help my clients do so that they don’t continue to be victims of their stories from their past. What kind of challenges do my clients experience that are related to stories that they tell themselves from their past?

• Conflicts at home
• Doing too much
• Inconsistent staff
• Not enough money or time
• No plan for the future
• Too much to do
• Uninspired
• Unsatisfied

Here is what I know for sure. The more you understand about your past, the more freedom you have.

Why did I apply to talk at TEDx Talks Chilliwack?

• On a lower level, on an amygdala level, I’ve come to realize that my amygdala believed that I had to go back to Chilliwack to prove my worth with my amygdala saying, hey look at me and how far I have come.

• On a higher level, on a soul level, to share my blessings and realize my blessings at another level and in doing so, help others to understand and forgive themselves for the mistakes in perception ( judgments ) from their past, for when there is self-judgment there is no understanding.

My TEDx Talks Chilliwack application was a stretch as the TEDx Talks Chilliwack committee indicated that they were only accepting invitations from those who live in the Chilliwack geographic area, not those who lived there in the past.

I think the value of TEDx Talks Chilliwack for me was in;

• filling out the application
• being consider by the TEDx Chilliwack committee
• going through my unwritten presentation in my heart and mind
• processing my unmet needs, negative emotions and negative beliefs at their Chilliwack origin that came up as a result of going through the presentation that I didn’t write
• writing this retrospective blog

It is said that all relationships are an expression of love.

Applying for TEDx Talks Chilliwack made me revisit my past to understand that my parents’ love was at the core no matter what happened.

Not being accepted by the TEDx Talks Chilliwack committee was an expression of love to remind me that I have not scratched the surface yet in delivering The Inspirational Tipping Point Speaking Presentation to financial service professionals on an international level. My vision, purpose and mission will not be fulfilled playing it safe at home.

The theme of TEDx Talks Chilliwack is Empowering Stories. Here is the title of unwritten presentation;

Sabotage – One man’s story of the journey from childhood trauma to adult obsession and beyond into the light.

Chilliwack is where I lived from the age of 5 to 23, leaving under the influence of a toxic world that I allowed my amygdala to create. I left Chilliwack because I was afraid and believed that I would die from;

• External influences of alcohol, drugs, fighting, high speed car racing and accidents, and skirmishes with the law
• Internal influences of anger, depression and self hatred

I believed my only childhood was beyond miserable.

I believed that I was broken, forsaken and unloved and I was the cause of my parents’ pain, constant fighting, struggle with money, and complaints about working so hard.

I believed I was born to an angry and raging, depressed, self-absorbed yet hard-working father and a paranoid mother that would vent through obsessively talking out her stress for days on end until she would go to hospital for a vitamin B shot, and again, hard working.

I believed the only peace was when they were both asleep in front of the TV.

In the absence of peace, I didn’t concentrate on my studies. When my A’s from Grades 1 – 5 disintegrated, my mother relentlessly expressed her disappointment and my father bullied me into working in his salvage business. My father believed if I wasn’t doing well in my studies then I was going to work.

For sanctuary I started working at odd jobs because as long as I was working I was away from the psychological abuse of the paranoia of my mother and the physical abuse of the beatings from my father.

All of this was a blessing becoming the DNA to understand my love hate relationships with Money, People and Work. With my mistaken beliefs of being broken, forsaken and unloved fueled by negative emotions and unmet needs, I grew to understand there would never be enough love from Money, People and Work to replace the love I didn’t have for myself.

Another blessing is, my childhood became the catalyst to heal myself through years of one-on-one and group counseling and personal development sessions and reading.

Another blessing is, the years of one-on-one and group counseling and personal development sessions and reading created the foundation for the daily practices that I use and share today.

Another blessing is, I work with financial services professionals to help them understand themselves, to feel inspired and appreciate Money, People and Work.